Woven round the turnstile
A victim-spun roulette
The loom of slaver’s guile
To harvest well in style
The slaver spreads his net
Woven round the turnstile
Twinkling an eight-eyed smile
On headlong preys it’s set
The loom of slaver’s guile
What unlaboured stockpile
Of victims’ blood and sweat
Woven round the turnstile
Drools of venomous bile
On deadly fangs they whet
The loom of slaver’s guile
The exit of the file
The entrance to regret
Woven round the turnstile
The loom of slaver’s guile
Colin Lee
This eight-legged weaver in my picture has been hanging round the turnstile for a couple of weeks now. And when nature’s workings and ours conspicuously rock and roll, a poet shouldn’t be surprised to find himself/herself in the muses’ spidery tangles.
Your villanelle is so effortless that I was half way through reading before I realized the form. The tone of this is hypnotic and slightly scary: ‘Twinkling an eight-eyed smile’ gives me the chills. The picture is a nice add-on.
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Thanks, Jilly. I’m glad to hear the hypnotic, rotational feel I intended has got through. I snapped a couple of shots there while the security guard was quite worried if I would use the photo to complain about his management of the factory’s entrance. lol
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Haha! Yes, the camera unnerves people.
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True that! It was so smooth that I was stumped for a second before realizing its villanelle. It was very beautiful , Colin. Especially the words had a flavor of their own.
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Thanks, Jeren. Glad you like it. 🙂
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“Entrance to regret” — wonderful.
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Thank you, sir!
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Nice villanelle using trimeter. I liked that eight-eyed smile spreading its net.
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Thank you, sir. Amazing little creatures — except for the huntsmans and tarantulas that always give me the creeps.
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I love a good villanelle, and this idea, the spider’s web, back and forth suits it perfectly.
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My thought exactly — the cobwebbing of refrains and rhymes. Thank you, Jane.
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🙂
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Excellent use of two forms in one; very impressive–though so flawless it is a bit intimidating. Hey, if you are into photography, check out my Facebook photography site over at https://www.facebook.com/groups/129946770719368/. Frank stops by there often too.
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Jolly kind of you to say so, sir. I’ll check out your masterpieces once I’ve got a chance: I spend my work weeks behind the world’s greatest firewall — the pitiful reason I’m forbidden to frequent you lot in Facebook and Blogspot. 😦
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This is a beautiful villanelle. I attempted one last year and it didn’t work so well; you make it look easy!
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Thank you, Victoria. You must have a rather harsh standard for your craft. Anyway, I took Jane’s advice and picked the rhymes before started — elbow room enough to wriggle through 5 tercets and a quatrain. 😉
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I’m so sorry, Victoria. I accidentally hovered over the wrong part of the touchpad and your previous comment was instantly … *gasp* … trashed?! I’m so sorry!
Your response was truly appreciated, as it made me ponder on the difference of approaches between classical and modern poetry: the former sets up the rigid framework first and lets creativity develop within; the latter plays by ear and borrow traditional devices to enhance structures where it sees fit. Each way has its own merits, I suppose.
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I’ve done that too 🙂 Yes, that’s great insight into classical vs modern poetry.
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I think I’ll be avoiding turnstiles for a while. Excellent poem!
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Oops. Sorry for giving you the creeps, Ms Bev. 😛
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I think he’s great. Like spiders lots better than flies. How did you come to call him slaver?
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You’re one meticulous reader, sir. Well, on the biological level, spiders never devour their prey. Instead, they incapacitate their victims with venom or silk, inject digestive enzymes into their bodies and suck out the liquefied flesh like we do with coconut juice. On the metaphorical level, the poet (ahem) queuing for the sweatshop feels like a fly tangled up in the cobweb of the nine-to-five mechanics, waiting for his youth to be liquidated and his ambition zombified.
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Sounds like your Hung up there. Well, stick to it
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Stuck like a spider web. Ha.
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Very cool. Makes me want to try the villanelle.
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Thanks, MJ. Yes, try it. 🙂
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There is a very nice flow to this piece. Beautiful!
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Thank you, Maria. 🙂
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Lovely villanelle. The form works beautifully here – you make it flow really well, but also, I think it echoes the spiralling of a spider’s web.
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The spiralling cobweb — my thought exactly in choosing the form. Thanks, Sarah. 🙂
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This is lovely and what a title. Very very clever. in Awe.
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Thank you, Alison. I’m really glad you like it.
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As others have already said, a surprising poem with a form that sneaks up on you! Well done!
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As much as the years of clock punching sneaked up on me. 😛 Thanks, Charley.
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Excellent villanelle! I felt like I was a thread weaving in and out.
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Or a poor bug tangled up in the spinning web. Ha! Thank you for the compliment. 🙂
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